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David Brenner


You know you're getting old when kids start to dress like you used to and movies are made about your teen life.

A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children.

You know you're getting old when... you start to dress in more than six colours.

It isn't how much time you spend somewhere that makes it memorable; it's how you spend the time.

When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine.