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Lenny Bruce


Marijuana will be legal someday, because the many law students who now smoke pot will one day be Congressmen and they will legalize it to protect themselves. I don't smoke pot, and I'm glad because then I can champion it without any special pleading. The reason I don't smoke pot is because it facilitates ideas and heightens sensations - and I got enough sh*t flying through my head without smoking pot.

That's where the conflict starts. We all want for a wife a combination Sunday school teacher and a $500-a-night hooker.

The whole motivation for any performer is "Look at me, Ma".

If you can't say "F*ck" you can't say, "F*ck the government."

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.