Texting With Girls Dangerously Delicious Preview. I’ll text a girl, she text me back right away, I text her back right away, she text me back right away, I text her back right away, she text me back right away, I text her back right away, she text me back right away. Then I’ll say something like: “alright cool, you wanna get pizza on Tuesday?” And I don’t hear anything.
Aziz Ansari: I have never taken the high road, but I tell other people to...
I have never taken the high road, but I tell other people to ’cause then there’s more room for me on the low road.
Other quotes by Aziz Ansari
Most people would say ‘the deets’, but I say ‘the tails’. Just another example of innovation.
For the majority of the time, I may as well have been just a really tan white kid. You know, I may as well have just been, like, a fat kid.
Well, MTV isn't really my cup of tea... mainly because I hate huge pieces of s**t in my tea.
Oh, what’s this in my shoe? Red carpet insole. Everywhere I go, I’m walking on red carpet.
One of my life goals is to be a best man. It’s a baller position. You get drunk, you make speeches, and you make love to the prettiest bridesmaid. Usually standing from behind.
Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true.
What if I couldn’t read? I wouldn’t be able to text my friends movie times or even order cheese biscuits from Red Lobster!
Whats the worst that could happen?! The worst that could happen is he could cut off your legs and use them to make stilts that look like legs!
The best thing I ever heard about doing comedy is that it’s the "business of rejection".