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Aziz Ansari: I have never taken the high road, but I tell other people to...

I have never taken the high road, but I tell other people to ’cause then there’s more room for me on the low road.

Other quotes by Aziz Ansari

I have no interest in art. Let me clarify - I have no interest in non-nude images.

Your favorite kind of cake can’t be birthday cake, that’s like saying your favorite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal.

Texting With Girls Dangerously Delicious Preview. I’ll text a girl, she text me back right away, I text her back right away, she text me back right away, I text her back right away, she text me back right away, I text her back right away, she text me back right away. Then I’ll say something like: “alright cool, you wanna get pizza on Tuesday?” And I don’t hear anything.

I went to a place recently I think is one of the most f*cked up places I've ever been to. I'm convinced this place is the epitome of American excess, of American greed. I'm talking about a place called Cold Stone Creamery. Whoa. If you have not been there, the basic gist of Cold Stone is that they take ice cream and then they just go ape sh*t with it.

Most people would say ‘the deets’, but I say ‘the tails’. Just another example of innovation.

No one’s trying to get with jugglers.

For the majority of the time, I may as well have been just a really tan white kid. You know, I may as well have just been, like, a fat kid.

Well, MTV isn't really my cup of tea... mainly because I hate huge pieces of sh*t in my tea.

Oh, what’s this in my shoe? Red carpet insole. Everywhere I go, I’m walking on red carpet.

One of my life goals is to be a best man. It’s a baller position. You get drunk, you make speeches, and you make love to the prettiest bridesmaid. Usually standing from behind.