Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
George Carlin: I don't understand why prostitution is illegal. Selling is legal...
I don't understand why prostitution is illegal. Selling is legal, f*cking is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f*cking?
Other quotes by George Carlin
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Pride should be reserved for something you achieve or obtain on your own, not something that happens by accident of birth. Being Irish isn't a skill... it's a f*cking genetic accident. You wouldn't say I'm proud to be 5'11"; I'm proud to have a pre-disposition for colon cancer.
Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.
Leadership camp? Isn't that where Hitler went?
The worst thing about e-mail is that you can’t interrupt the other person. You have to read the whole thing and then e-mail them back, pointing out all their mistakes and faulty assumptions. It’s frustrating and it’s time-consuming. God bless phone calls.