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George Carlin: I don't understand why prostitution is illegal. Selling is legal...

I don't understand why prostitution is illegal. Selling is legal, f*cking is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f*cking?

Other quotes by George Carlin

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

The worst thing about e-mail is that you can’t interrupt the other person. You have to read the whole thing and then e-mail them back, pointing out all their mistakes and faulty assumptions. It’s frustrating and it’s time-consuming. God bless phone calls.

Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: it attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That’s just common sense!

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.

When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, how can that be? How can you not have all day?

Whever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.

All music is the blues. All of it.